reflecting

Wow.....there are so many things that have happened this year. One specific event that I really wished I never would have allowed to happen. He knows what I'm talking about. I'll never regret him and what we had when we had it...I just really think that I shouldn't have let myself get so head over heels with someone that never really seemed to be with me or mine from the beginning. But I guess that's all water under the bridge now. I've just gotta work on letting the rest of the feelings go and moving on. I miss him but us not talking is making it easier for me to get over him. I'm sure he's dealing just fine with it all as he always has. Anyhow I'm writing this on my phone and my hand is starting to hurt so I'm just gonna finish writing more tomorrow. Night.

Well the flu I had is finally gone..now its time to battle the chest cold I have. My immune system is really hating me right now :(

So sick.... :(

Ugh...I feel like shit :( My face is all hott but my body is completely freezing..I really hope I'm not coming down with something. That would completely suck considering I cant take any sick days. Need a new job....need a new job.

I'm looking forward to the new year; Jan 1st I'm going to begin my complete weight loss journey. Haven't stuck to it ever but this time I'm damn sure going to keep my promise to myself. I need this. My body is hating me and I hate it just as much.

I want you to know, that it doesn't matter where we take this road. Someones gotta go...

You know that I love you so I....love you enough to let you go.

You were my best friend, and you will always hold a special place in my heart.

Always,

This past relationship has really messed me up. I want the old me back... :(

I need help. I really feel that I am trapped in my unhealthy oversized body. I don't feel worthy of anything good in my life. I need to make a change, now.

Friendships

Life lately has been ugh...I don't even know. Shitty. Did you ever think that something you considered so important could really end up not mattering anymore? Certain friendships that I thought I needed more than anything; I really could care less if I have anymore. Why keep people in your life that you can't trust and most importantly, can't turn to? Alongside family, friends are just as important. And sadly, I don't have that anymore. It used to bother me but now..I really don't care. My friends used to be the most important thing to me. Now, I'm done with it. With them. Melody pft. She never talks to you unless the other person contacts her and most of the time it's not even her answering her phone it's Kyle. She doesn't even bother texting me or anything keeping me involved in her life; nothing. I don't call that a fucking friend at all. I'm fucking done with it. And Samantha...our friendship has really went downhill. Shes not my best friend anymore. I can never talk to her because she's never around to talk to. And most importantly this whole lawyer/financial bullshit has gotten in between us. I shouldnt have to be 'fit in' to someones schedule either. I'm just done with it all. Fucking done. My finances...I'm so stressed and so damn screwed. I can barely afford to get the little things I need on top of the bills I pay. Ugh. My life is so screwed up right now...

♪♫♪

So what if it hurts me?
So what it I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge,
My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I'm just trying to be happy
I just wanna be happy, yeah

Leaving the pieces behind

I realized something today. I've still been holding on to hope. I haven't been able to let him go...let our memories go. Good or bad. I even had a folder in my email with stuff of us for a keepsake or something. Pathetic. I deleted it. I'm finally letting it go. I'm no longer going to let him see and be the bitter, hurt ex girlfriend. I'll just be the friend he wants. I've held on to that hope of wishing he would someday realize that letting me go was a mistake. It's stupid. I'm stupid. I am angry at myself because I feel pathetic..how could I let him see such a weak side of me? It's ridiculous.

Just like he said; what's done is done. Move on, girl.